17/4/2008 - Relaxing

Today is a relaxing day. I wanted to cherish the good mood I have, after such a long gloom.

Didn't study at all today, and didn't do much things besides playing and surfing the net.

...

Really out of materials to record. Since today is a relaxing day, right?

16/4/2008 - Laugh Away

見上げたら飛行機雲、明日へと消えた；
僕はそれでもずっと、自転車をこぎ続けた！

心情總算好了一點，至少沒有那麼憂鬱了．今天的考試還算不錯，因為根本沒有甚麼唸書，能考到這樣已經算不錯了…

考完試，吃了一頓六元半的晚餐，心痛死了，我最近還要省錢的說…Ｔ．Ｔ

晚上就在遊戲和白日夢中度過，好心情是要慢慢享受的嘛～在此也希望我的心情能保持在穩定的水平到考試結束吧，到時候就能回家了！

そう笑って、いつも笑って～～

＊Ｐ．Ｓ．　愛死ＹＵＩ的新歌，Ｌａｕｇｈ　Ａｗａｙ了！

15/4/2008 - 完蛋

完蛋了。

明天考试，今天才开始念书。

而且根本不能专心…

我真的觉得很辛苦。感觉上有点支持不下去了…

我真的不知道自己该怎么办。

我明明知道自己念不下去了，可是还在假装坚持。

真得很烦啊…

感觉上我现在是在浪费老妈的钱，浪费世界上悠闲的资源…

真得很想就这样消失，真得很想逃避…

我很累了…真得很累…

14/4/2008 - Slight Warmth

I studied today! Although not much, and even fallen asleep while studying, but progress is progress nonetheless. Or so I hope. A bit of self-consoling here. But HEY! I don't have anyone who can console me or truly care of me in this cruel cold-hearted "university". I am a lone, and I have to do things by myself, and depend only on myself.

Ignore the calls from the black shit twice. Don't expect me to forgive. No way. This is the third time, and enough is enough. So fuck off and leave me alone. After all being alone is supposed to be my fate, and all people around me do a good job to ensure I am isolated. Keep it up!

Finally cut my hair. The auntie cutting my hair is damn nice and friendly. She lights up my day, and makes me wanna cry. I am quite surprised that a person I just know can be so friendly and caring to me, as I never expect it to happen inside NTU. She is more friendly and caring than ALL of my "friends" and "classmates" in NTU.

I am such a pitiful person. I really miss SJK(C) Batu 11. That is the only place on earth that gives me basic dignity, that respects me as a person, and more than that. No, my family never truly respects me, or offers any basic dignity.

NTU? NOT A CHANCE, YOU FREAK!

*13 April 2008 - Shamed

I studied today!!! But only for a chapter of Green Chem, sadly.

Pool vs Blackburn. Kena scold kao kao by fucking Aravin, for talking too much. Alright, I did speak too much, but so did you. And what gives you authority to scold me? FUCK OFF you black shit!

The morale of the story today: Don't speak too much, especially in front of a Singaporean. Singaporeans don't like to lose, including in speaking. So from now on I'm gonna shut my mouth tight. I don't know about anything, I didn't see anything, and I will not tell you anything.

Mom is getting sick again. Haiz. Signs that she has really gone old. I really hope she can relax a bit. You stress yourself too much, mommy, and although you do it all for me, it actually only makes me suffer more and destroys my life and dream. I hope I can tell you these, but I know you can't take it. So? So I have to continue to act like a loving kid who embraces his mom's love, and stomach all the pains until my heart is too full.

Life. Haiz.

*12 April 2008 - Child's Play

I did almost nothing except playing today. But luckily I studied a bit of Green Chem while playing. A good improvement indeed.

Mei Xyn says Sara "loves" me, since long long time ago. Holy hell. But actually I can somehow feel it. But just don't feel right about it. Another welcomed outcome in the wrong time, and ultimately, wrong person. 10 years old kid? Don't kid with me.

Why everybody can go home except me? Why others' family welcomes them with open arms while my family treats me like a disease, epidermic? I love my family the most, but somehow my family is the one thing that disappoints me the most.

You will never walk alone? I am always walking alone. I am alone, in the dark. I am alone.

*11 April 2008 - Sort of

Exam is coming, and I still haven't started my revision yet. Gotta start soon or I'll really be fried, sort of.

I did nothing but play games today. Oh my sad sad life. Keep playing games and listening to some music, namely "Water". What? Fire is listening to Water? How can fire ever likes water? Maybe I really should like water that much. Sort of.

My room is still a mess, my life is a mess, my daily routine is a mess. I THINK I NEED SOMEONE TO SORT ME OUT. Sort of.

Really have no mood to study. Is study the most important thing for a Asian society? Sort of.

DUH